just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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