She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
