At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
