Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Church boner. Awkwardddd
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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