i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
