They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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