just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
