i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Are we still banned from the library?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize