I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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