I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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