now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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