Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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