Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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