Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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