I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
