i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
