I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
