Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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