she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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