I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize