so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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