I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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