No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
