So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
