I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
