I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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