im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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