I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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