My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
