i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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