Just fell off a train. Bad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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