How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
