theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
