"it" just moved
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
