you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
