I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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