he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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