If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Farmville is her only friend.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
