i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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