Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
