I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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