I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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