You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
