He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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