dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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