all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
