Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
