toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
