I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
