i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
