I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize