what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
