you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
