Quick, to the slutcave!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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