this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
