i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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