Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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