Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
