Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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