I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize