Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
