My sheets look like a crime scene.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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