do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize