Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
