"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
well you can't waste a boner
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
