I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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